I sort of missed the boat on the whole ‘cannibal horror’ thing. When I was a kid, films like Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Ferox were spoken about in hushed tones, as if they were actually snuff films. When I finally got around to seeing them, it was a whole lot of ‘meh’. Sure, if you’re the audience for those types of films – they’ll rock your world. Personally, I have never been able to get into films that are attempting to pass themselves off as reality, yet lack the skills to accomplish it. Luckily, River of Blood doesn’t give a damn about realism. All it cares about is chopping off heads, torturing hot guys, and protecting the jungle. In no universe would River of Blood be considered a ‘good’ film. But I still had some fun with it.
When four British friends visit Southeast Asia, things don’t go as planned. Ritchie (David Wayman) has just sold his company for millions of dollars, and he and his wife, Jasmine (Sarah Alexandra Marks), have decided to cover all the costs of the trip for their best friends, Maya (Ella Starbuck) and Ajay (Louis James). But, you see – Ajay is having an affair with Jasmine, who is also now pregnant with his child. Complicated! When they join guide Nick (Joseph Millson) for a kayaking trip, the group come too close to a lost tribe of cannibals who have started expanding their territory and cannibalistic habits thanks to deforestation. What results is an indigenous tribe protecting their land from invaders by any means necessary. It’s difficult to feel bad for a bunch of dumb, privileged white kids when they go some place they have been told not to go, even if they do end up roasting on a spit somewhere in the jungle.
What separates River of Blood from the myriad of other cannibal horror films is that it does take the time to develop its characters as they are led to slaughter, though the film cares far more about its male characters than it does its female characters. Director Howard J. Ford, a veteran of direct-to-video action and horror films, knows how to shoot a beautiful looking picture, and there is far more of a male gaze to this picture than one might expect. Everything in this film revolves around what the men want; what they men need. The women are really just there to be their ornaments. Yes, that’s frustrating, but it’s par for the course with films like this. That’s not excusing the laziness, but I was content enough just watching the two hapless lugs fighting about business and money as we occasionally cut to folks getting hacked.
As depicted here, the tribe is your typical nameless, lifeless killing machine, though we do at least understand why they’re killing. They’ve been living in the jungle, keeping to themselves, and not harming a soul. The more and more they got pushed from their home, the more and more food sources became scarce. Modernization is what pushed them back to cannibalism, and if you’re gonna do something, you might as well go all out. As entitled and obnoxious as the guys are in this film, I am not sure they entirely deserve the brutality of what befalls them, but then again – if a sign says ‘STAY OUT’, you should probably pay attention, especially when you’re a clueless Brit in the jungles of Southeast Asia. And you expect brutality in a film like this, with River of Blood delivering more than its fair share of decapitations.
There are so many problems with River of Blood that I’m sort of shocked I am still recommending it. For what it is, it’s effective enough. And I believe in judging a film based on one question leading the pack – “Did it accomplish what it set out to accomplish?” River of Blood does, for better and worse. It’s not the best jungle cannibal film you’ll see, but it’s certainly not the worst, and it does contain enough thought-out visuals and graphic cannibal sequences to satisfy those who just want to harken back to their Eaten Alive! days. Or, if you’re like me, you might just enjoy watching the hot guys splash around in the water and yell at each like they didn’t hook up in college. The poor women in this film just have to sit back and let these two man-children steer them further and further towards damnation. If they’d just gone shopping with the girls, they wouldn’t be in someone’s poops right now. Stupid hot guys.
RATING: **1/2/***** (now available to rent/buy on VOD)
